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Yesterday gave me more reason than usual to excrete the bile that is created in me by fashion. Not that I'm usually one to bottle these things up, on the contrary, I positively adore shouting at people in my head for wearing extremely stupid clothes. Call it a hobby. Never-the-less, even if I didn't do these perfectly sane things and remained an easy going, happy-go-lucky, live and let live type I still don't think I'd be able to contain my annoyance at yesterday's experience.
I was in the city centre for all of four hours yesterday. It was an afternoon of work but I mostly did errand running so it happened that I spent most of my time wandering round. In that space of four hours I saw five girls wearing exactly the same top. Five!
And it was hideous!
It epitomised everything that it wrong with the mass fashion industry.
It was an eighties' style wide necked t-shirt, neon green with enormous letters printed on it that said NOT UGLY LIKE BETTY.
WHAT?! Not ugly like Betty?!
Why have you written that on a t-shirt?
Why have you written that on an EIGHTIES' t-shirt?
Why have five separate people seen that t-shirt and thought 'FUCK ME! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT T-SHIRT ALL MY LIFE EVEN THOUGH ACTUALLY I AM QUITE UGLY (BORDERING ON HIDEOUS) AND I LOVE THE EIGHTIES EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T AROUND THEN AND KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT BUT STILL SOMEHOW HAVE A HANKERING TO LOOK LIKE I'M STUPID IN THE EIGHTIES BUT ALSO LIKE A MODERN TELEVISION PROGRAM! EXCELLENT!' ?
But wait, two seconds thought and I realise why it exists:
Fashion goes in cycles, this is old news.
It all follows the unwritten law in fashion: You take the good bits from a decade (miniskirts - 60s...or twenties, whichever, flares - 70s) and you bring them out again to save you actually having to be creative in the way that your job specifies and you try to convince all your friends everyday 'Oh, I'm so "out there!" all the people I know say I'm sooo creative!'
Luckily for them this worked for the examples of the miniskirt and flares, because they were actually cool in the day and have a kind of classic appeal. So then it's the turn of the eighties to be redone, but of course the people who are designing things now were only born in 1986 so actually have no clue what might be considered classic...so they watch an early episode of Grange Hill and LOOK! everyone's wearing Frankie Says Relax t-shirts! OOO! Neon green is in fashion! Terrible spiky electro patterns! Wow!
What they have failed to realise is that even in the 80's all these fashions were widely regarded as being shit! In fact, the eighties is generally very famous for looking really shit! Never mind, though, lets plough on because, in the end, the people who are buying this balls weren't alive in the eighties either and so have no idea about it. They have no idea about it, but would still like to associate with what the eighties was like, because the mass fashion industry has told them that's what they should want to associate with and if they don't they won't be a real member of society...well, popular society.
So we move on...we've got the foul neon green, we've got the idiotic, 'frankie' font....now we just need to spruce it up. The avoidance of creativity gene kicks in once again so they turn to television.
"Hey, everybody likes Ugly Betty, right?"
"Yeah, everyone knows how she's ugly and it's funny and stuff (although it's the most obvious thing in the world that she's actually a very beautiful latin american actress with perfect teeth and beautiful hair, only they put glasses on her. How hideous!...Let's look into designing some glasses.) so let's print something like 'Frankie Says Ugly Betty'"
"Good idea, only "Ugly Betty" is a huge American owned idea and we can't afford to print the words 'ugly' and 'betty' adjacent to each other."
"Okay, well how about...Betty's ugly right? So why not tap into the second largest fashion susceptible market after teenager...GIRLS WITH LOW SELF ESTEEM! It can say ' I'm NOT Ugly...like...Ugly Betty...Betty."
"Fantastic! We're onto a winner here! All the girls will immediately spot the reference, (incidentally, let's hope the lawyers don't) and then they'll notice the eighties motif...maybe...It's possibly at the point that maybe they aren't even aware it's a copy. And then they'll read it properly and imagine that it's empowering or some bull like that! We score money!"
"Look at that, it's not even lunch time..."
AND IT WORKED!
THIS TRANSPARENT MARKETING INVENTED BY IDIOTS WORKS!
AND IT WORKED ON FIVE PEOPLE!
IN THE SAME DAY!
WITHIN THE SPACE OF FOUR HOURS!
AND THEY WERE UGLY IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY THAT BETTY ISN'T!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!
I'm starting to think that top shop just exists in a divine act of persecution towards me.
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Angry Dome.
I was in the city centre for all of four hours yesterday. It was an afternoon of work but I mostly did errand running so it happened that I spent most of my time wandering round. In that space of four hours I saw five girls wearing exactly the same top. Five!
And it was hideous!
It epitomised everything that it wrong with the mass fashion industry.
It was an eighties' style wide necked t-shirt, neon green with enormous letters printed on it that said NOT UGLY LIKE BETTY.
WHAT?! Not ugly like Betty?!
Why have you written that on a t-shirt?
Why have you written that on an EIGHTIES' t-shirt?
Why have five separate people seen that t-shirt and thought 'FUCK ME! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT T-SHIRT ALL MY LIFE EVEN THOUGH ACTUALLY I AM QUITE UGLY (BORDERING ON HIDEOUS) AND I LOVE THE EIGHTIES EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T AROUND THEN AND KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT BUT STILL SOMEHOW HAVE A HANKERING TO LOOK LIKE I'M STUPID IN THE EIGHTIES BUT ALSO LIKE A MODERN TELEVISION PROGRAM! EXCELLENT!' ?
But wait, two seconds thought and I realise why it exists:
Fashion goes in cycles, this is old news.
It all follows the unwritten law in fashion: You take the good bits from a decade (miniskirts - 60s...or twenties, whichever, flares - 70s) and you bring them out again to save you actually having to be creative in the way that your job specifies and you try to convince all your friends everyday 'Oh, I'm so "out there!" all the people I know say I'm sooo creative!'
Luckily for them this worked for the examples of the miniskirt and flares, because they were actually cool in the day and have a kind of classic appeal. So then it's the turn of the eighties to be redone, but of course the people who are designing things now were only born in 1986 so actually have no clue what might be considered classic...so they watch an early episode of Grange Hill and LOOK! everyone's wearing Frankie Says Relax t-shirts! OOO! Neon green is in fashion! Terrible spiky electro patterns! Wow!
What they have failed to realise is that even in the 80's all these fashions were widely regarded as being shit! In fact, the eighties is generally very famous for looking really shit! Never mind, though, lets plough on because, in the end, the people who are buying this balls weren't alive in the eighties either and so have no idea about it. They have no idea about it, but would still like to associate with what the eighties was like, because the mass fashion industry has told them that's what they should want to associate with and if they don't they won't be a real member of society...well, popular society.
So we move on...we've got the foul neon green, we've got the idiotic, 'frankie' font....now we just need to spruce it up. The avoidance of creativity gene kicks in once again so they turn to television.
"Hey, everybody likes Ugly Betty, right?"
"Yeah, everyone knows how she's ugly and it's funny and stuff (although it's the most obvious thing in the world that she's actually a very beautiful latin american actress with perfect teeth and beautiful hair, only they put glasses on her. How hideous!...Let's look into designing some glasses.) so let's print something like 'Frankie Says Ugly Betty'"
"Good idea, only "Ugly Betty" is a huge American owned idea and we can't afford to print the words 'ugly' and 'betty' adjacent to each other."
"Okay, well how about...Betty's ugly right? So why not tap into the second largest fashion susceptible market after teenager...GIRLS WITH LOW SELF ESTEEM! It can say ' I'm NOT Ugly...like...Ugly Betty...Betty."
"Fantastic! We're onto a winner here! All the girls will immediately spot the reference, (incidentally, let's hope the lawyers don't) and then they'll notice the eighties motif...maybe...It's possibly at the point that maybe they aren't even aware it's a copy. And then they'll read it properly and imagine that it's empowering or some bull like that! We score money!"
"Look at that, it's not even lunch time..."
AND IT WORKED!
THIS TRANSPARENT MARKETING INVENTED BY IDIOTS WORKS!
AND IT WORKED ON FIVE PEOPLE!
IN THE SAME DAY!
WITHIN THE SPACE OF FOUR HOURS!
AND THEY WERE UGLY IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY THAT BETTY ISN'T!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!
I'm starting to think that top shop just exists in a divine act of persecution towards me.
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Angry Dome.
aggravated