The Den of Victorianity

FACEPALM

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 17:58:47 GMT

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=4549214266&topic=4063

Well, clearly I didn't update further when I got home...

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 13:58:18 GMT

So the edit/update has arrived almost exactly twenty-four later. Yeah, I forgot I had a Lords of Misrule rehearsal to attend.
It's almost certainly the best thing in York.
If you require proof of this bold and daring suggestion then look no further than the next lines which are soon to be appearing before your gentle lids...
We are performing a Viking Saga.
We will be speaking Old Norse.
I am playing a Viking Leader called Snorri.
He is an evil genius.
I get to fight with swords on stage.
We will be performing it in a recreated Viking house.

I SCORE WIN!
If any of your happen to be around York at the beginning of May I'm afraid I must insist that you come and see me and Katie be wicked-sick Vikings! It will beat the Guinness World Record for WOOT!

I think me and Katie and few others are off to see Juno at the cinema tonight. We've not seen anything in a while...probably not since the Golden Compass so I'm quite looking forward to it. It looks like a good one too. Then NEXT week they're showing There Wil Be Blood which I really don't want to miss. Daniel Day Lewis is amazing and 100% insane.

Work is a load of old bollocks at the moment and it's starting to really get to me. There are the immediate problems of boredom, general everyday "oh god it's work" dread and the fact that my boss is a total patoot. He's like fifteen patoots! But I'm also starting to feel the longterm grind of it now. The fact that it's not what I want to be doing, it's got nothing to do with my ambitions and it's a constant pain in the be-hind.
Therefore I've started a search for some sort of un-sales related office work. It'll be a change of scenery and it would look good on my CV for future applications to work in possible journalism environments. So, yes. That begins as soon as I get back from Aberystwyth.

I think that's everything for the moment then.
Have good times!

You have no chance to survive make your time

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 14:06:58 GMT

Hello how are you gentlemen!!
I'm feeling a bit internet retro today..internetro you might say. I wouldn't though because it's a fucking terrible joke and shame on you for laughing. Also, shame on those of you who didn't laugh - you are bad friends.
Well, with such a warming and friendly start to a post what might you expect to read in later paragraphs. Good news or bad news? It could go either way, am I right? You're just sitting there on your tentacles, breathless with anticipation. You might have your surmises and your guesstimates but only time will tell. You better stop fart-arsing around with this nonsense and read on lest you become inextricably entangled in my convoluted high-falutin' lexicony.

It's...GOOD NEWS!
We're off to the sea-side of Aberystwyth on Friday and let me tell you I'm not a little excited. I've been like a jolly regenbogen colouring his surroundings with the spectrum of happiness. I get to go to the Ship and Castle again (yes that will almost certainly be the highlight of my visit). There will be much merriment and reacquaintance with old friends. Mr. Shell, Mr. Tide, Mrs Camera Obscura - all the favourites!
More good news is that I've finally started writing again. Even better is that probably for the first time ever I know exactly what I want from the characters, style and plot. I'm not putting any crazy ideas out here just yet but maybe I'll actually do something half decent and stick it up. If I do it won't be for a good long while yet.

I might update and add to this a bit more when I get home later.

Well, that's about it.
Have fun!

ZOMGOMFGWTFBBQ!!!!

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 13:48:49 GMT

I just got Empire today because it had a lovely big picture of Hellboy 2 on the cover (I'm a bit of a fan and I will fight to the death anyone who says it's rubbish) and there's a bit of an update about the trilogy of Tintin films that are in production.
It's all interesting stuff - one film is being done by Peter Jackson, one by Steven Spielberg, it's done in motion capture with Andy Serkis (possibly playing Captain Haddock - RAD), they're going to be films of the two parter stories.
All well and good, right? Pretty exciting?
Well:

THEY'RE BEING SCRIPTED BY STEVEN MOFFAT!!!!!
BLISTERING BARNACLES THESE FILMS ARE GOING TO BE THE ACES OF AWESOME!!!!!!!
I AM EVEN WILLING TO SUGGEST THAT THEY WILL KICK THE ASS OF ANY OTHER FILMS EVER!!!

I'm done

To beard, or not to beard

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:28:47 GMT

I've been thinking recently that, thus far, I've been spending my life in beard limbo.
Sure I go for long periods of time without shaving, weeks, months even, but is not shaving enough to qualify myself for a beard? If there's no purpose behind it is my facial meadow a beard or simply a sign of being a lazy bum? It's an actualisation of my lacklustre approach to grooming and as such I feel like I might be transmitting an image to people that I haven't earned: namely that I am a man with a beard, a man who chooses to be bearded, accepting his manly adulthood and taking it by the horns, smashing it repeatedly into the blubbery guts of life. Is that the image I even want? Personally, I like to see myself as a precocious and flighty young fawn, but perhaps my natural bearding prowess is getting in the way of that in people's minds, barging all their thoughts of youth out the left ear in favour of this figure of age and maybe death. But then maybe this stark truth abut life is preferable to the shiny lies conveyed by a youthful face, bringing about the desperation to recapture early days and schoolboy japes, thus bringing about the comedown into despair and reality as soon as they blink or are distracted by a duck. I don't want to remind people of their mortality, I simply want them to see a man and say "YES! THERE IS A MAN! HE IS BOTH YOUTHFUL AND WISE. NOW I MUST DEPART TO BUY BAGELS BECAUSE THEY ARE TWO FOR ONE IN SAINSBURY'S THIS WEEK!" that is, of course, if the man looking at me is a thespian. If he were otherwise the obserations would be quieter and he would be less likely to go for the bagel, perhaps favouring focaccia bread if he's a bit posh.
The point is this: for too long now I have simply been a seldom shaver and it is now time for me to make a desicion. Now is the time for action or possibly lack of action depending on the desicion. Either way it should be intentional, purposeful and genre defying.
Should I grow a beard?
If no, would I be shunning the inner adult in me? Today's society is already too obsessed with youth and surely I would be simply adding to that nightmarish disease: nostalgia.
If yes, how big? Would Katie mind? What are the global ramifactions? Perhaps I would be keeping my face warm, therefore cutting heating costs, therefore saving the world.
Most importantly...would I look like a dick?
The decision is laid out before me, now I just walk a path and suck in the juicy morsels on the trees that line it.
This is a decision not to be taken lightly...

Anybody got a coin I can toss?

Man, I'd be pissed off

Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:01:19 GMT

Why the hell isn't Jesus a saint?
There are so many crumby saints around that only got their sainthood(?) because some frog ribbited at an old woman near where he died or something. You'd think Jesus, with all his crazy ass magics, would get something.
Popes too. Do they get automatically sainted or something?
Being the representative of god on earth is pretty miraculous I'd say. I bet loads of people pray to/for/of/around the Pope. By the law of averages alone some of those prayers must come true; therefore - sainthood.

Who'd be Jesus/The Pope eh?

:EDIT: the word 'something' appears three times in quick succession in this post. This is grammatically poor.

Message from the Pimp Master General

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 18:52:47 GMT

Alright?

I started reading American Tabloid by James Ellroy today. It was a birthday present from Ben way back in the heady September times when bank statements were alarming and headbutting York Uni administration was optional but desirable. I'm here to tell you it's badical, radical, wicked and sick. I was almost late for work today because I lost track of time whilst reading it. It's high on my 'I strongly recommend you read these books...are you reading them yet?' list.
Ben, you get sixteen thousand kudos points for having an excellent taste in writers.

Futurama: Bender's Big Score arrived a couple of days ago.
I am happy.
Words are inadequate.
There is a full 22 minute episode of 'Everybody Loves Hypnotoad' which is possibly the best extra on any DVD ever.It's even better than that one on The Phantom Menace where special CGI is used to remove Jar Jar Binks from all scenes, references and plot elements in any of the films and annoying little Anakin is shot dead before he can be given a chance to grow up into whiny-ass emo, 24 hour bitch and general dickhead Hayden Christensen...Oh you didn't get that one? Maybe that's because it only exists on the DVD in my mind.
It's a happy place.

I finished Zelda on the DS.
I'm going to retract a little of my enthusiasm for it after having to play the same temple six times (at least). Someone should tell the designers that there's a difference between going back to a place out of choice to find secret areas you might have missed and forcing you to re-enact exactly what you did ten minutes ago as an essential part of the gameplay.
It's not a bad game, for example the 25% of the game not spent in the Temple of the Ocean King is awesome bit it just gets so repetitive.

More aceness happened in the form of Johnny (my housemate) getting an X-Box 720 and Guitar Hero 3. I can finally feed my addiction. Next stop - the 32" HD TV the uni says we're owed. Sweet.

Motions have been set in place for me and Katie to go to Aberystwyth on the 15th Feb. The driving force behind the trip is Katie's choir are having a reunion but it seems like an ideal excuse to go and see people and have fun and frolics by the sea.
We've currently not sorted any accommodation and I'd just like to take this opportunity to be frank and, well, rude and say Bryn or Matt, do you have any room at your houses? Don't worry if not, we'll sort out a B&B. Just thought there's no harm in asking.

I think that about wraps up what I wanted to say today.

Bye!

Christ-mast and others

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 01:31:07 GMT

Well yesterday me and Katie got back from Shropshire where we spent Christmas with my family. It was a super awesome time and I had many of my consumerist wishes fulfilled. Trains there and back were a bit of a nuisance - on the way there the train broke down about a minute outside Wolverhampton. We sat there about forty minutes before another train came to rescue us. It was extremely annoying while we were waiting but as soon as we were on the other train the conductor was so pleased that they'd managed to line up two train doors in the dark that it was hard to be grumpy with them.
Excellent presents included a dinosaur board-game where you have to excavate the dinosaurs from a block of plaster with a chisel and a brush before you can play, Watchmen (which I've had on my computer for far too long) and Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass. I'm unconcerned with your review of it, Samuel, I'm having an ace time with it...although revisiting the Ocean King's Temple all the time is fast becoming a large pain the behind.
Then on boxing day some of my Shropshire friends came along and we played on the nintendo Wii for a bit and watched Children of Men. It's been so long since I''ve seen any of my old school friends; it seems to be the way of things these days. So yes - people who live close: come and see us in York or invite us to see you. I'm looking very meaningfully at you Alex Terrance and Matthew (in the Hatthew). Also, more seriously, I have made it a new year's resolution to get around more this year and become reacquainted with people I should never have become unacquainted with. It's right up there along with 'get out (and stay out) of overdraft' and 'go swimming more'
So yes, anyway, Christmas, all was fantastic. I ate too much, drank too much and generally had a fantabulous time. Messed about with my brother, which was awesome because, again, I don't see enough of him.
Wasted about an hour watching Doctor Who though...jeez, they're not getting better are they? "I am the Doctor. I am a timelord. I am nine hundred and floppity-flop years old. I am going to talk to you like you are all morons and as though any of this matters to the story." Augh! It was too too badly written. Still it could be worse, they could be doing another series of Torchwood. What? They're what? La-la-la-la-la-la, I can't hear you, la-la-la-la-la.

Oh, oh oh! I received the new Futurama film on DVD on Christmas eve! It's...Well I can't actually tell you because when I opened the box the flippin disc wasn't in there! So yes, I have to wait a couple of weeks for a replacement. I'm so tense I might just gesplode.

So now we're settled back in in York nicely. We've been more or less on our own in Constantine for the last week or so and it's still the case now so we've just been taking the opportunity to have some Tom and Katie time - making tasty meals, having a glass of wine and watching Grand Designs...oh, I think I just realised that I'm forty. BLAST YOU AGED MIND!
But we're off again on Monday: we're spending new year at Katie's dad's in Hereford. More fun times aboard trains to come but also fun times with relatives and relaxation; they're the main things.

So scoop-de-woop.
WHUT!

I'm back, baby!

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 20:25:08 GMT

Hello people who read this crap!

It has been brought to my attention by a certain hatted fellow who shall remain nameless who is called Matt that I haven't actually written anything in a very long time. You are all, no doubt, wondering whether I really exist or whether I was actually a figment of your fevered imagination. Well good news: I am an actual person and here I am writing a fine brand spanking new post for your pleasure and delight.
I notice that Katie recently had the good idea of writing a sort of review of the year...
well I'm not going to do that. Instead I'm going to carry on writing as if I've never been away, as if you all know exactly what I've been doing the whole time I've been in York.

So this guy has now decided he's going to leave us in the lurch while he has his kid and when that happens there's no way I'm getting a holiday!

Hmmm, frankly I can already start to see problems emerging.
Maybe I will fill you in a bit.

Since arriving in York me and Katie have had a fantastic time. We've quickly made a lot of new friends which by itself seems a bit of an alien experience. When we moved to Chester I think we made about six or seven friends in the entire time we were there, whereas I now can't go about an hour without seeing someone I know. It reminds me a lot of being a student. I thought most things would remind me of being a student, that I would start pining for education just as I did in Chester but it's not really happened. I definitely don't feel like a student, despite the accommodation, the people and conversation topics, but it's fine because since moving to York I haven't really wanted to feel like a student. I want to get out and into the world in a way that I had absolutely no inclination of doing during my time spent in Chester. I want to get out and into the world of english related jobs.
Sadly it hasn't really turned out the way I wanted yet.
I'm still stuck in retail.
I'm working in a fancy dress shop in the city centre of York.
"Great! Fancy dress - that sounds really fun!"
Well it might be if my boss wasn't a huge dick. Looking over my entries since September last year I find them littlered with complaints about jobs and bosses and whilst re-reading them I got bored. Therefore I'm going to refrain from going on about it and instead just say that he's lazy, officious, unprofessional and tight fisted. It's not much fun. I'm getting on with it. I'm looking for a new job in the new year.
On the plus side it has mean that I've not been losing any sleep over money recently and as jobs go the work is easy enough.
Lack of money worries has meant that me and Katie have been able to enjoy ourselves a lot more in terms of going out. We've spent more time at the pub in the last three months of living in York than we did for the whole fourteen months of living in Chester. We've been to the cinema once every other week. We even went to see Alan Bennet's 'Enjoy' at the theatre royal. I feel like we're leading a proper life again and actually engaging with the world.
Then of course there's Lords, or The Lords of Misrule - the medieval drama society that me and Katie joined. It's basically a studenty thing but they're pretty relaxed about who's involved. I got to be an old shepherd, and talk in middle english and uncover a mysterious plot involving a sheep disguised as a baby. Rad!
I'm certainly going to do it again next year. I've not done any sort of drama in about four years and it's surprising how much I've missed it. It's felt so fantastic to be able to go to rehearsals and learn lines and do all that sort of thing again.

So yes, that's my time in York so far.
I do miss Chester ever so much, despite my up and down year. I think rather than the city it's the people I miss. There's still a huge hole where Ben and Maki and TJP used to be. I miss them and it sucks that it's going to be the new year before I have a chance to see any of them again.
Our flat too was awesome. God damn I miss having a kitchen and washing machine to ourselves.
Still. York is amazing and I can't see us leaving any time soon if we can help it.

Before I depart form this rather lengthy post I'm going to lay some wicked sick facts on you:

1. I had a letter published in the Judge Dredd Megazine recently and received a free copy of a Bad Company comic collection called 'Goodbye, Krool World'. It's awesome...awesome to the max
2. Me and Katie have now been together more than two and a half years. WOWZ!
3. I got 'American Tabloid' by James Ellroy for my birthday and I still haven't read it. I am teh suck.
4. I got a box set of the Sergio Leone 'Man with No Name' spaghetti western trilogy.
5. The latest Hives album is aces. Well...it's probably not but a have a distinct soft spot for it.
6. Golden Compass = thumbs up. They didn't balls it up. Someone needs a medal...probably Phillip Pullman
7. I think I have run out of facts.
8. Oh wait! We got Christmas cards (and letters) from so many people! If you are one of those people you need some serious thanking and wishing of seasonal greetings.

In fact, seasonal greetings for all of you.

Maybe I will be a bit better at updating this bastard in future.

P.S. A fresh start with posting deserves a fresh userpic and I thought this one suitably awesome.
P.P.S. You guys reading this on Facebook now all lose out because you're stuck with a picture of me shouting.

Fuck Yeah!

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 20:28:27 GMT

Oh my god
This has to be the most awesome thing I have ever seen!

Factius Yorkum

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 14:29:22 GMT

1. Between the 3rd and 4th century AD the Vatican used York as a Pope 'proving ground'. They would send the six prospective Popes into the city with naught but two papal staves and a slingshot. The first candidate to win the hearts of 40% of the citizens became Pope - the other five became demi-popes, or 'popettes'.

2. York was the first city in the world to have a street known as The Shambles. It's naming came about due it being 'a right bloody mess, and no mistake' (John Tuppington, Local Quartermaster, 1436)

3. The gates in the city walls, also called bars, are actually doors (arches).

4. There are over six buildings in York, some of them are not houses

5. Modern York is a thriving hub of industry and a grand city on the scale of Christchurch or Beeston. The local football team plays at least one game every half hour and they sometimes win at cricket. It has a population of 4,000 cats. Its main exports are grit and incredulity.

Hipy papy bthuthdth thuthda bthuthdy

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:19:39 GMT

For those of you who didn't know, it was my birthday on Friday
Hardly seems like a whole year since the last one, but it was...well, I'm pretty sure it was. If it wasn't then there's something wrong going on around here. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. The important thing is that I got presents!
Among which were:
A new watch (Hurray, I can be unreasonably obsessive about looking at the time again!)
The first three Scary Go Round collections
A rubber dinosaur that looks kind of like an ecstatic T-Rex
American Tabloid by James Ellroy
A Scott Pilgrim book (which looks like rad + awesome x (number of pages/amounts of reading) but I have yet to properly read)
Some chocolate dinosaurs
A Badtz Maru toy
Other stuff which I've currently forgotten.

It was a pretty good day considering the house was basically a stack of boxes at the time.
We went out for pizza with Ben, Maki, Helena...and Chris and ate caterpillar cake before moving on to a pub with just Ben and Maki and drinking ale and listening to 90s indie. So all in all it was a pretty ace time.

We're now in York and just about settled in. The room is really fantastich and in fact the whole house seems really nice. Friendliness and such. I'll probably stick some pictures of the place up on FaceFace if you're interested.
There's been a large amount of pub visiting and making friends with people you're never going to see again - all the joy of being a fresher...well, a hanger on to a fresher.
Matt in the Hatt came up yesterday too and there was excellent eating of sunday roast and looking at comics. Wickedy.

Hope all you guys are happy and well.
Bye!

Oh P.S. I didn't get that job in the library...again.
I AM SO HAPPY!

What Wikipedia says about hornets...

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 11:05:13 GMT

Don't ask me why I was looking. I just was okay?

Actions to avoid

Disturbing a nest (including vibrations and loud noises)
Being within a few meters of a nest
Disturbing or killing a hornet within a few meters of a nest
Blocking the path of a hornet
Breathing on the nest or hornet
Rapid air movements
Never pour gas or petroleum down a nest hole. This is extremely hazardous and environmentally unsound.

What the hell?
You breathe on them - Dead
You go near them - Dead
You get in their way - Dead
You look in their general direction - Dead
You talk about their girlfriend behind their back - Dead

I am now officially starting a campaign to wipe out all hornets from the face of the earth.
They are clearly the most evil creatures ever to have existed.

That is all.

Oh man, P.S. it's raining a whole bunch outside right now.
Ho-lee shit, it's raining. Oh boy, you'd better stay inside. I mean it dude.
I might even start building an ark or something.

WoW, I'm moving... (you'll get it in a second)

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 15:16:11 GMT

Wow, this is a long post. Lucky for you I'm Web 2.0 enough to slap an LJ cut all over it.
- Sucks to all the people on face-cake -

So I started playing World of Warcraft again recently (get it?). It was a bit of an extremely stupid thing to do, considering (a) that it's addictive and steals all your money, (b) it makes you an extreme NEEEERRRRD to play it and (c) we're moving into uni accommodation in two weeks where it's extremely doubtful that it will even work.
The bastards at blizzard actually posted me a demo copy of the expansion pack with a little note saying "We like you. Have 10 days free trial." It's blatant manipulative advertising - here start a new game...but if you want to get past level 20 you'll have to pay us £19.99 + £8.99 subscription. Unfortunately for suckers like me it works and I'm now contemplating buying the expansion pack. BUT NO! Crazy brain, wait and see if it works through York Uni Net first. And anyway, I just said it's a waste of money. Deity damns on all of you, creators of addiction and orc slaying!
I'm an aces warlock SHUT YOUR CRAB HOLE I AM NOT A SAD GEEK!

In more interesting news, the move to York has technically started; me and Katie have started packing and making little lists of things to do. We've got loads of time to get it all done so it'll all be fine...oh, except that we're going to Hereford for the weekend...and I have an interview in York on Monday...I think maybe it will be unfeasibly stressful.
Still, I'm happy about this latest interview. It's the same thing as last time, only closer to where we'll be living and there are four posts available so there's more chance of me perhaps getting one of them perhaps, perhaps.

It's a sad thing that my work in TJP is coming to an end; it's undoubtedly been one of the best places I've ever worked. I've only got four more shifts to work after today. Weirdly, I've been handing out applications and talking to prospective applicants for the last week so theoretically I've already met my replacement. That thought's pretty unsettling.
I'm going to miss it. It's about the only thing In Chester I am going to miss.
...
I just re-read that and realised I'm probably exaggerating a little. I'll miss the people I've met here and I'll definitely miss the flat, it's such a great place. It's just that Chester itself lost its charms a long time ago. It really is one of those places that's great to visit but living here has been driving me a bit insane. It looks like a lovely historical city from the outside but from living here I've realised there's quite an air of unfriendliness among a lot of the people who live here. It's very conservative, money driven, crowded and, frankly, dull. In that respect I'm really looking forward to moving on.
It would be a bit naive to assume that just because I'm moving to York all those problems will disappear, I know that wherever I go nowhere will be as good as I imagine it to be (or at least not as good as Ironbridge or Aberystwyth) but a fresh start offers new opportunities, new friends and new experiences, and when is that a bad thing?

Oh, it's also my birthday coming up (28th (Of September, not my 28th birthday! How old do you think I am? 27 or something? Jeez!)) and it is law that you all send me hundreds of presents regardless of whether or not I sent you one this year. If you haven't had a birthday yet and you send me a present it will increase your chances of getting one back.
Oh, be quiet, I'm just kidding!
I wouldn't send you one either way.
BOOM BOOM!

I did a meme?! I've changed, man. I've changed

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 12:11:05 GMT

I got an interview in York for a week on Monday. That's 4 days before we move.
Good news though!

Well all you silly folkes have been doing this carrer thingy what-not and for one in my life I decided that, as memes go, it's quite an eye opener...well, comparistively. It doesn't, for example, ask me what my favourite cake is. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR FAVOURITE CAKE IS!...
Ah, but that's a rant for another time.
Ok, here we go

1. Actor - Go out and be an actor! Never mind that it's the hardest profession to make any money in!
2. Comedian - Sucks to a certain hatted individual - an internet robot finds me funnier than you!
3. Casting Director
4. Critic - I could be a critic. I am fairly critical of this list alone!
5. Print Journalist
6. Musician - I can't actually play any instruments very well, but what the hey!
7. Translator - Nor can I confidently speak a forgein language
8. Market Research Analyst - No one want's your stuff. Tough break. that's £30,000 please.
9. Composer - Nor do I have any idea how music works.
10. Writer - Hurray! Number 10 isn't bad!
11. Special Effects Technician - Sweeeeet. I could make dragons fight aliens!
12. Director of Photography
13. Professor - I assume that just involves wearing a pair of round glasses and apearing on Horizon every so often.
14. Set Designer
15. Costume Designer - You guys can have really puffy orange sleeves and like a top hat and cane...oh, and a necklace that's made of milk bottle tops...What do you mean it's set in 1965?
16. Desktop Publisher
17. Cartoonist / Comic Illustrartor - It never actually asked me if I could draw, if I liked drawing or if I had any inclination towards pictures of any kind.
18. Computer Trainer
19. Animator - Stop it
20. Website Designer
21. ESL Teacher
22. Foreign Language Instructor
23. Sport Psycologist Consultant
24. Graphic Designer
25. Computer Animator - Look, I can't draw...
26. Music Teacher / Instructor
27. Library Techician - Ah, something I've actually put some thought into.
28. Artist - I SAID I CAN'T DRAW, DAMMIT!
29. Dispatcher - Like an assassin? AWESOME!
30. Medical Illustrator - Now you're just being stupid.
31. Psychologist
32. Public Relations Specialist - I could do that. my catchphrase would be: 'get over it and fuck off'
33. Activist - WHAT DO WE WANT? NO MORE...uh...bears? No...LACK OF BEARS! - I don't think activism is for me.
34. Political Aide
35. Communications Specialist
36. Technical Writer - Ace. People could jibe me with quips like 'So you're TECHNICALLY a writer'...ho-ho!
37. Dental Assistant - I have teeth - that's a qualification, right?
38. Fashion Designer - I decree that people should stop wearing retared clothes from the eighties.
39. Tour Guide - On your left you see some stuff, cool huh? It's hella old or something, I don't know.
40. Librarian - Ta Da! The job I'm getting an interview for - number forty. well we got there eventually

As you can see from this I am made of win and sucess. You will obviously all be eating my successful and glittery dust whenI am famous for being a famous actor or comedian maybe...maybe writer.
I'm glad 'writer' is up there but it has to be the most simplistic set of careers test results I've ever had.
"You are a creative person - that means you should definitely try and do something creative maybe...like a musician?"
Still, it was pretty antertaining (that's entertaining for ants...not really, it's just a typo) so I guess it was worth it.

Whatever happened to the heroes?

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 13:07:51 GMT

I would honestly like to know

Ugly, not like Betty

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 11:39:08 GMT

Yesterday gave me more reason than usual to excrete the bile that is created in me by fashion. Not that I'm usually one to bottle these things up, on the contrary, I positively adore shouting at people in my head for wearing extremely stupid clothes. Call it a hobby. Never-the-less, even if I didn't do these perfectly sane things and remained an easy going, happy-go-lucky, live and let live type I still don't think I'd be able to contain my annoyance at yesterday's experience.
I was in the city centre for all of four hours yesterday. It was an afternoon of work but I mostly did errand running so it happened that I spent most of my time wandering round. In that space of four hours I saw five girls wearing exactly the same top. Five!
And it was hideous!
It epitomised everything that it wrong with the mass fashion industry.
It was an eighties' style wide necked t-shirt, neon green with enormous letters printed on it that said NOT UGLY LIKE BETTY.
WHAT?! Not ugly like Betty?!
Why have you written that on a t-shirt?
Why have you written that on an EIGHTIES' t-shirt?
Why have five separate people seen that t-shirt and thought 'FUCK ME! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT T-SHIRT ALL MY LIFE EVEN THOUGH ACTUALLY I AM QUITE UGLY (BORDERING ON HIDEOUS) AND I LOVE THE EIGHTIES EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T AROUND THEN AND KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT BUT STILL SOMEHOW HAVE A HANKERING TO LOOK LIKE I'M STUPID IN THE EIGHTIES BUT ALSO LIKE A MODERN TELEVISION PROGRAM! EXCELLENT!' ?
But wait, two seconds thought and I realise why it exists:
Fashion goes in cycles, this is old news.
It all follows the unwritten law in fashion: You take the good bits from a decade (miniskirts - 60s...or twenties, whichever, flares - 70s) and you bring them out again to save you actually having to be creative in the way that your job specifies and you try to convince all your friends everyday 'Oh, I'm so "out there!" all the people I know say I'm sooo creative!'
Luckily for them this worked for the examples of the miniskirt and flares, because they were actually cool in the day and have a kind of classic appeal. So then it's the turn of the eighties to be redone, but of course the people who are designing things now were only born in 1986 so actually have no clue what might be considered classic...so they watch an early episode of Grange Hill and LOOK! everyone's wearing Frankie Says Relax t-shirts! OOO! Neon green is in fashion! Terrible spiky electro patterns! Wow!
What they have failed to realise is that even in the 80's all these fashions were widely regarded as being shit! In fact, the eighties is generally very famous for looking really shit! Never mind, though, lets plough on because, in the end, the people who are buying this balls weren't alive in the eighties either and so have no idea about it. They have no idea about it, but would still like to associate with what the eighties was like, because the mass fashion industry has told them that's what they should want to associate with and if they don't they won't be a real member of society...well, popular society.
So we move on...we've got the foul neon green, we've got the idiotic, 'frankie' font....now we just need to spruce it up. The avoidance of creativity gene kicks in once again so they turn to television.
"Hey, everybody likes Ugly Betty, right?"
"Yeah, everyone knows how she's ugly and it's funny and stuff (although it's the most obvious thing in the world that she's actually a very beautiful latin american actress with perfect teeth and beautiful hair, only they put glasses on her. How hideous!...Let's look into designing some glasses.) so let's print something like 'Frankie Says Ugly Betty'"
"Good idea, only "Ugly Betty" is a huge American owned idea and we can't afford to print the words 'ugly' and 'betty' adjacent to each other."
"Okay, well how about...Betty's ugly right? So why not tap into the second largest fashion susceptible market after teenager...GIRLS WITH LOW SELF ESTEEM! It can say ' I'm NOT Ugly...like...Ugly Betty...Betty."
"Fantastic! We're onto a winner here! All the girls will immediately spot the reference, (incidentally, let's hope the lawyers don't) and then they'll notice the eighties motif...maybe...It's possibly at the point that maybe they aren't even aware it's a copy. And then they'll read it properly and imagine that it's empowering or some bull like that! We score money!"
"Look at that, it's not even lunch time..."

AND IT WORKED!
THIS TRANSPARENT MARKETING INVENTED BY IDIOTS WORKS!
AND IT WORKED ON FIVE PEOPLE!
IN THE SAME DAY!
WITHIN THE SPACE OF FOUR HOURS!
AND THEY WERE UGLY IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY THAT BETTY ISN'T!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD?!

I'm starting to think that top shop just exists in a divine act of persecution towards me.
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Angry Dome.

...and then I got off the bus, ah-

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 08:21:02 GMT

Good morning.
It's all been going a bit weird recently. As you know, me and Katie are off up to York soon (the date looks to be the 29th of September, which means that it's more than likely I'll be spending my birthday in an empty house. That's going to be a bit weird. I don't even know what I want yet. I keep seeing stuff and thinking,' oh, that would be cool...but I don't really NEED it.' which, I know, is really the opposite of what a birthday is about. I don't NEED anything!...Well, except for, like, food and shelter...but I have those already! And a centipede! I'm at a bit of a loss with it...) and we're really looking forward to it, more so now bits and pieces of information are starting to trickle through about it. But in a time where we're most definitely heading away from Aber, it seems I'm hearing about more and more people going back. There's Bryn going back, simply to live while he studies in Machynlleth, at CAT which is pretty cool; then there's my ex-housmate Matt who's going back to work there, actually at the university, and a couple of old friends from my English course too.
I understand the pull of the place, and I understand that people do often go back or stay behind after finishing Uni. I suppose what I find odd is that I've been trying to sever my ties there recently. It was particularly hard last year, I really missed Aber because I had quite a few friends who had taken a year out and gone back to do there third year. I went back about five times in total I think. I still felt a really strong attachment to the place, which I knew was because I felt like I was missing out on another year of relatively responsibility and worry free lifestyle.
When the year ended I assumed that I wouldn't feel like that any more; fewer friends would mean that there wouldn't be anyone to go back and see, making it easier to move up to York but it seems like people are still going to be there, two of my best friends, and yet again the feeling of missing out is starting to descend.
It feels childish, like when you were young and in bed and you could hear your parents laughing downstairs and you always really wanted to know just what they were laughing about.

This year being a fairly stressful (and eye-opening) one has made me need the safety and protection of institutionalised education once again.
In way I'll be getting some of it - me and Katie will be staying in University accommodation in York so that comforts me a little but it just seems like I'm being drawn further away from safety and familiarity.
It appears that this is what life is all about.

Celebrate good times, COME ON! That is a direct order!

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 15:29:17 GMT

Hurray for me!
I got a job doing casual work at Chester Librarianary (I might have mentioned before - it's where they keep the librarians).
This means, without a shadow of a doubt, that I rock and am better than lots of people. I am better than them because I won and they lost.
Now I can do some works and get some moneys.
Katie has news along a similar line but I will let her relate that to you herself.
To celebrate I will be getting drunk and watching Life on Mars followed by the Lynch insanity fest, INLAND EMPIRE (his caps, not mine) - so called because he likes the word 'inland' and he likes the word ' empire'. He's an odd fellow.

But hurray!

Oh, I just so happened to pass by the libraianary today to take some books back and I ended up taking out more than I returned. I will be slaking my thirst for Evelyn Waugh by reading Brideshead Revisited, I got the frighteningly accurate The Shape of Things to Come by H.G. Wells, a collection of H. P. Lovecraft mythos inspired stories including stories by Alan Moore and other fantastic writers, and finally The 2000AD series by Alan Moore Skizz.

Hurray!

I read books

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 12:05:56 GMT

Hello someone who's reading this. Welcome to the desert of the real maybe I don't know.

Just a bit of news to say that I had an interview at Chester library for the post of 'casual worker'. I think it means I go to work and just loaf about for a bit. That sounds right doesn't it? I think it went pretty well so you can all do whatever superstitious ritual you do to encourage good luck for others. Personally, I will be burrying a goose on a Thursday in a peat bog.

I've been doing some really good reading as well.
I read a collection of Italo Calvino stories called Cosmicomics and I've nearly finished Vile Bodies by Evelyn Waugh.
I like to have bursts of lots of reading and this particular time has been down to me and Katie turning off most of our electrical equipment for most of the time. We'd been finding ourselves watching too much TV and having the computer on all day and it was just getting a bit much. We still watch the good stuff like Heroes and Life on Mars but mostly the TV stays off. It's really great!
The thing is, when we turn the TV on it feels even more like I'm being assaulted with adverts. It used to be that adverts were very annoying but they would kind of blur into the background becoming an annoying kind of static. But now I seem to have resensitised myself. I can't stand watching them anymore. At all.

So there you have it.
Some things about me that you didn't know unless you're Katie, in which case you did.

Bela Lugosi's Dead

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 15:43:21 GMT

Just thought you should all know!

Here are some other celebrities that have died:
Jim Morrison
Bernard Manning
Princess Diana
Bob Monkhouse
Charles Dickens
Bill Hicks
Jesus of Nazareth
Gandalf the Grey
Bob Hoskins

The News

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 15:06:12 GMT

I didn't get the job.

The weekened away in York was really awesome and the interview went really well but I guess it just didn't quite go well enough. I got pretty bugged about it yesterday and had to go and look at some ducks by the canal. Man, those ducks are so cool. I wish I was a duck. You get to spend all day by a canal, which has cool boats and locks and stuff, and people give you bread. Not only that, but baby ducks are way cuter than baby humans, baby humans aren't even a little bit fluffy.
AND ducks can fly...

Man, I really wish I was a duck.

All women are morons - men are God's favourite creatures

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 16:08:31 GMT

Pretty stupid title huh?
Sexist, degrading...basically ignorant and rude.
So why is it acceptable for women to create societies, communities and even publish mass media saying that all men are idiots and don't understand anything?
Contrary to what you might infer from the current direction of this post I don't actually find left wing feminism frightening, or threatening or wrong. I think it's stupid. Women who believe that the world would be better if all the men were literally killed are idiots, but it's entirely acceptable for them to say it wherever and whenever they like. I'm not suggesting I want to go round saying I hate all women, that's not the kind of equality I'm after, I just want NOBODY to go round saying it. I want those sections of society to be as frowned upon as they would be if it were men.

Again, strightening things out, I don't have a problem with feminism. Real feminism, that's about securing the importance of women in the modern day and throughout history is a very noble endeavour and I fully support it; and it's not masculism I'm going in for here, that's a frankly bizarre school of thought, it's just equality.
I think a lot of people forget, and not just in the case of (what people think is) feminism, that equality doesn't mean revenge. Feminism is pro-women, not anti-men. There is a distinct difference.

Please don't be frightened by me, this whole thing came from me seeing hundreds of groups on facebook with titles like "all men are morons" and "women are god's favourite creation" and I got very annoyed with all the people who think it's Ok to say that.

By no means is it a worldwide wrong that needs to be righted today, but it does upset me when I see it.
I just want horrible sexist women to be as unacceptable as horrible sexist men.

I've upset myself now becasue it's a really difficult position to argue.

Yes, it's been a while. No, I've not been busy.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 21:17:12 GMT

I am now writing this for a second time because livejournal sucks and should die in a blood soaked hole covered in the intestines of the makers of all computers.

I've had a bit of an all-sorts week this week. After bitching and moaning about it for weeks I've finally joined Face-Cake. It's nice to be able to talk to my friends but it's still really crappily designed and full of stupid ass 'applications'. I particularly dislike the writing on walls - not as much, however, as I dislike people I used to know who I didn't like and who didn't like me trying to add me as 'friends'.
I am not your friend. i have never been your friend. The button says 'ADD AS FRIEND' not 'Do you remember this person?' I hate the myspace mentality of having as many contacts as possible, like it's something to boast about. "Look! I've got one thousand people on my list who I never talk to and who don't know who I am!"
I created a group on facebook for writing down jokey untrue facts, and now it's full of people I don't know writing down every bit of actual trivia they know!
Real trivia sucks. Fake trivia rocks.

This morning I got a letter today saying that I didn't get a job working in Chester cathedral's gift shop.
BUT
This morning I also got a letter inviting me to an interview for a job working as a library assistant in York! So I'm going up there next Monday for an interview AT THEIR EXPENSE! It's so awesome. I guess I wouldn't HAVE to stay overnight for an interview but if they're offering paying for it then I don't mind accepting! So a free trip to York week after next.

Lately I've been having a bit of a dabble in the world of video games.
I completed Marvel Ultimate Alliance (I can't remember if I said that already), I completed Tomb Raider Anniversary which was splendiferously puzzleful, I played STALKER which was...a good idea? It was a bit pointless and repetitive to be honest. Good AI though!
Best of all though, I found a game of the Call of Cthulhu - it's cultilicious! I've just spent all evening escaping from Innsmouth.
What do you mean you don't know where Innsmouth is?
You'd better go brush up on your H.P. Lovecraft!
While you're doing that I'm going to have a cup of tea.
BYE!

What is it with me and lists?

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 00:44:23 GMT

Right well over the past half hour or so I've been bored enough to compile a couple of 'top ten' lists.
If you're bored enough to read them, click

Top Ten Books

1. Johnathan Strange and Mr. Norrell
2. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
3. 1984
4. Brave New World
5. Metamorphosis
6. Scoop
7. The Hobbit
8. Neverwhere
9. The Slippery Slope
10. Dubliners

Top Ten Films

1. The Empire Strikes Back
2. Blade Runner
3. Brazil
4. Dune
5. American Psycho
6. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Winds
7. The Life Aquatic
8. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
9. For a Few Dollars More
10. The Thing

Top Ten Games

1. Half-Life 2
2. Deus Ex
3. Starcraft
4. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
5. Diablo 2
6. Final Fantasy 7
=7. Day of the Tentacle
=7. The Dig
8. Super Mario Bros.3
9. Katamari Damacy
10. Golden Axe