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The Den of Victorianity

To beard, or not to beard

To beard, or not to beard

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Cat Face
I've been thinking recently that, thus far, I've been spending my life in beard limbo.
Sure I go for long periods of time without shaving, weeks, months even, but is not shaving enough to qualify myself for a beard? If there's no purpose behind it is my facial meadow a beard or simply a sign of being a lazy bum? It's an actualisation of my lacklustre approach to grooming and as such I feel like I might be transmitting an image to people that I haven't earned: namely that I am a man with a beard, a man who chooses to be bearded, accepting his manly adulthood and taking it by the horns, smashing it repeatedly into the blubbery guts of life. Is that the image I even want? Personally, I like to see myself as a precocious and flighty young fawn, but perhaps my natural bearding prowess is getting in the way of that in people's minds, barging all their thoughts of youth out the left ear in favour of this figure of age and maybe death. But then maybe this stark truth abut life is preferable to the shiny lies conveyed by a youthful face, bringing about the desperation to recapture early days and schoolboy japes, thus bringing about the comedown into despair and reality as soon as they blink or are distracted by a duck. I don't want to remind people of their mortality, I simply want them to see a man and say "YES! THERE IS A MAN! HE IS BOTH YOUTHFUL AND WISE. NOW I MUST DEPART TO BUY BAGELS BECAUSE THEY ARE TWO FOR ONE IN SAINSBURY'S THIS WEEK!" that is, of course, if the man looking at me is a thespian. If he were otherwise the obserations would be quieter and he would be less likely to go for the bagel, perhaps favouring focaccia bread if he's a bit posh. 
The point is this: for too long now I have simply been a seldom shaver and it is now time for me to make a desicion. Now is the time for action or possibly lack of action depending on the desicion. Either way it should be intentional, purposeful and genre defying.
Should I grow a beard?
If no, would I be shunning the inner adult in me? Today's society is already too obsessed with youth and surely I would be simply adding to that nightmarish disease: nostalgia.
If yes, how big? Would Katie mind? What are the global ramifactions? Perhaps I would be keeping my face warm, therefore cutting heating costs, therefore saving the world.
Most importantly...would I look like a dick?
The decision is laid out before me, now I just walk a path and suck in the juicy morsels on the trees that line it.
This is a decision not to be taken lightly...


Anybody got a coin I can toss?
  • Grow one! You can always shave it off again. And you can't, um, un-shave a non-bearded face.

    First time I grew a beard was out of pure laziness. Then I discovered I liked it and am now annoyed that I have to remain clean-shaven for work. SAD FACE
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